Having a Partner Who Doesn’t Support You

I’m the first to admit that I have the best wife ever.

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I met Danielle when I had just turned 16 and she was 14 at the time. We met each other in France while both on a holiday with our parents and then found we out that we actually lived three miles apart. She’s amazing and I love her to death, but this post isn’t about how great she is. Instead, it’s about the importance of having a great partner and having a great relationship with your partner.

Danielle really understands how I am, how I operate, and what makes me feel good and bad. She really supports what I do and also gives me my freedom. For example, right now, I’m in Hanover and then I’m going to Berlin with a friend of mine from the States. She’s always supportive of me when I travel because she knows I need this stuff. She also understands that when I’m working, I need some alone time, and she’s okay with that.

There’s a saying that goes, ‘Behind every strong man, there’s a strong woman,’ and it’s absolutely true, but I am also fortunate that she embraces who she is.

Because she embraces and supports the way I am, it gives me the ability to be at my best. There’s a saying that goes, “Behind every strong man, there’s a strong woman,” and it’s absolutely true, but I am also fortunate that she embraces who she is. For nine years, she worked in a kindergarten and she is always at her best around children. Now, we have a daughter and in a couple months, we are going to have a son. So she is with the kids for most of her time and she loves it with all of her heart.

This way, we both get to do what we are great at and what we love to do. So I’m really fortunate, but again, this is not about how lucky I am. The insight I’d like to share with you is that it’s so important to be on the same level or to have an understanding with your partner. Many times, I see entrepreneurs whose partner doesn’t really get what they are trying to do and why they want to do it.

When you are trying to build your business, it’s really tough when your partner doesn’t get what you do. What’s even worse than that is when they don’t believe in you. Back in 2000 when I was first starting out online, I was on eBay all the time and I remember Danielle would ask me, “Why are you on the internet so much?”

Well, it wasn’t really that I was on the internet so much, I was building my business. The reason she didn’t get it at first is simple – I wasn’t making any money at the time. Once my business really got going and money started coming in, she started to believe in it and that made a huge difference. Trying to build a business is tough enough it is a huge challenge. However, if you have to try to build your business and defend the hours you work and your lifestyle to your partner, it is even tougher.

I’m a man and I understand how men are, so I can’t really speak for the women. However, I think I know a little bit about relationships and entrepreneurship. For men, one of the things that we expect from our partners is support. We want them to get who we are and what we want to do. I really bet that Danielle doesn’t know exactly why I do what I do, but she understands that it’s important to me. And because of that, she supports me.

So here’s what’s up, instead of expecting your partner to just unconditionally support you, try to do the opposite. If you’re a man that is working hard to grow your business and you’re expecting support from your wife, but not getting it, don’t complain. Instead, switch it around. Really give your wife the support and time that she needs.

…instead of expecting your partner to just unconditionally support you, try to do the opposite.

Obviously, if you are building a business, you have less time now than you did before. So every single moment that you are with your wife, give her your undivided attention and give her everything. If you do that, she will probably support you more. But you have to be sincere, it’s not, “I’m going to do this for you, so you’re going to support me.” Building a business is tough on you, but it is tough on her as well. She sees a man who is working hard, struggling, stressed out, and not making a lot of money. That stresses her out as well. But if she sees a man who is present and gives her attention and love, she’ll respect what you’re doing and give you support.

I guarantee that if you add 30-60 minutes a day of undivided attention and love for your partner, they are going to be more supportive of what you want to do. A true woman, when they are really in the moment, wants to support their partner. In a good relationship, your partner will support you. They might not immediately, but ultimately, they want to support you.

If you enjoyed this article, please let me know by leaving a comment below or send me a Tweet @EelcoDeBoer.


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  • 23 July 2015
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